Satisfaction: A Reflection

By Andrew Beel
Proverbs 5:18-20
Pr 5:18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Pr 5:19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Pr 5:20 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones sang, “I can’t get no satisfaction.” It could well be the anthem of this generation as it sums up the never satiated hunger for something more.
The other day I was praying for a friend and I sensed the Lord reminding me of two Words he had powerfully spoken to me one morning. The first was in the early hours of the morning when I was half asleep and had no ability to resist the voice of his Spirit. He simply said, “Andrew, the greatest gift you have to give to people is yourself.” Later that morning as I was having a prayer time and I was contemplating the meaning of this Word, again I sensed the Spirit saying, “Andrew, all I want of you is to be present to yourself, present to others and present to me.” Obviously God was simply speaking in my language the Two Great Commandments of loving God and loving others as we love ourselves. These Words were spoken to me some eight or so years ago and I have sought to re-arrange the trajectory of my life accordingly. But again, even as I was speaking these words to my friend I felt the Spirit seeking to remind me that I too needed yet again to bring my life into further re-alignment with these Words.
The next day at a time of prayer and Bible study with my wife and another friend, during our time of prayer I found myself looking at my mobile phone and thinking to myself, “It won’t be long and my contract will be up and I can get a new phone.” I began to think of what features I might desire in this new phone, even though my present phone does everything I could possibly want and more. I then began to think to myself, “Why on earth would I even want a new phone when my present phone does everything I need? This is simply madness.”
The week before at the bar when I was with krishna, I had been too tired to really offer him my full attention and he had noticed. He had asked me at the time what was wrong and then later sent me a text message enquiring whether or not he had said or done something to offend me. As I thought about this I realised that I had failed to be present to krishna and I began to ask myself why. As I became more present to myself I realised that part of the reason why I was tired was yet again I had allowed myself to fall into the all too easy “Messiah Complex” that is my natural default mode and I had willingly sought to take on board issues and concerns of others that were not my responsibility. Yes, it was okay to listen as people shared their struggles, fears and hang ups but it wasn’t my job to save them. Secondly, I had found myself losing sight of the inherent uniqueness of Krishna and instead of being concerned with treating him with the dignity of being made in God’s image, I had begun to think of how slow his response to the Gospel had been so far and maybe that there might be others out there that I could be spending time with who will respond more quickly and therefore enhance my reputation as a missionary.
So what has this got to do with satisfaction?
Over the last few weeks I have also been deeply aware of the lack of satisfaction in the lives of so many I talk with. I have spoken to people who struggle to love their spouses. One man is convinced he would be happy if his wife had a different hair colour. Many others I speak to all have different reasons why their spouses are just not good enough or suitable enough. Some of their reasons are not as trivial as the first mentioned man, but nonetheless, it would seem that deep down they are not convinced that God has given them a good gift as the Bible states, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
Then there are others who feel deeply dissatisfied because the job they have or the work they do isn’t producing enough money or doesn’t garner enough recognition from others. Certainly I know in my own journey, I was hoping successful Christian ministry was going to be my ticket to recognition and fulfilment. And then there are others who I meet and listen to who are convinced that when God heals a certain area of their life, be it emotional or physical then at last they will be satisfied or happy. And so they chase after this counsellor, healer, programme, book and anyone or anything that might somehow provide relief from the itch that refuses scratching.
But this is where there is such a brilliance in God’s Word to me. His Word to me challenged the very basis and motivation of what I was doing and what I was seeking. As Jesus made clear to the Samaritan woman, “All who drink from this well will still get thirsty.” I remember quite clearly when ministry for me seemed the most powerful and successful, even when the Holy Spirit was manifesting in healings and salvations in services I was leading and yet I would still be feeling empty and dissatisfied inside. Even when all that I had sought and strived for had seemingly started to materialise, satisfaction somehow was eluding me.
Again, this Word from God turns things upside down. Instead of discovering what I was looking for beyond where I was or in some person, dream or hope in the future. God was telling me quite clearly that everything I need and desire is with me and within me now. I won’t find some deeper level of fulfilment or satisfaction in some successful future ministry or when I gain a touch more healing in my life. I won’t find it in some new material acquisition or person, no matter how exciting and charismatic they might seem. No, the God who is with me and for me, who works all things together for my good offers me the fullness of himself in every situation he brings me into and in every person he draws across my path. The God who gave himself so fully in Jesus, who offered his very life in order that I might have life, calls me to offer myself fully even for those who may never respond simply because they are made in his image and are objects of his love.
Surely it is enough to simply love God and love those who he brings to us? Surely if we are failing to love then everything else we are striving for, Christian or otherwise is meaningless?
One of the blessings of living without a regular income is that my chasing of material things has become severely hampered. I have been forced to learn contentment in the times when I don’t have the power to acquire what I would have thoughtlessly acquired before. Another blessing of not having a regular job is that it has also forced me to seriously consider how I spend my time particularly with my wife and children. They too are deserving of my presence and I am needy of theirs.
Recently as I have been contemplating my ‘inverted parenting’ and my messianic pretensions, some of which simply flows out of family of origin and oldest son stuff, I have become aware that not only am I very good at sorting everybody else out (Even recently, my wife has had to tell me on at least two occasions not to parent her as I have tried to make sure she gets up in time to get the children’s lunches ready for school) but on the flip side, I am not very good at allowing others to help me carry my burdens. It took me a lot of effort to tell my wife I needed more of her time and presence. She readily received my request, but I struggled to acknowledge and own my own neediness.
To be present in the way God is calling me to be present is truly a learning to trust fully in him. It is the ability to accept the life he has given me along with all that it contains both good and bad. As Job responded in worship to God after disaster upon disaster had befallen him, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” To be present to others is a call to trust God fully in their lives, responding as he leads. This means that whilst it is always right to pray for and with them, bringing their concerns to God and expecting him to respond and answer, I also need to trust God to do what is best for them even when it doesn’t seems as they or I would choose.
To be present to God means that I don’t need to be concerned with tomorrow. As Jesus says, “Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” To be truly present to God means that I can indeed thank him in all circumstances knowing that he is indeed working all things together for my good. If God is for us, who or what can be against us? Surely this fact alone is enough to quieten our anxious hearts.

1Th 5:16 Rejoice always, 1Th 5:17 pray continually, 1Th 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Jesus made it clear that seeking God’s Kingdom first and His righteousness is enough. He also made it clear that loving God and others is all that he requires. If we can only quieten or dismiss the many other voices of demand and expectation in our overloaded brains imagine how deeply satisfied most of us might be. Imagine how differently we might arrange our time. Imagine how different our relationships might be both with those closest to us and those we only encounter briefly. Imagine how we might be impacted if others treated us as bearers of God’s image rather than a means to their own success, spiritual or otherwise.
I have a dear friend who suffers considerably with depression. He has been given a significant time off work by his doctor as a result. Despite the difficulty of his condition he is convinced he is exactly in the place where God wants him. My friend, despite his depression, has found satisfaction and what Jesus would call peace. God may one day heal my friend of his depression and we all pray that this takes place. But like Betsy ten Boom in the Nazi concentration camp, he is convinced that the lessons he is learning concerning God’s faithfulness and love, that no pit is so deep that God’s love isn’t still deeper, is worth even the cost of depression. I suspect that there are many people in our churches that are missing such discoveries because of their striving for success, healing, prosperity, influence and the like. Instead of learning as Mary did that sitting at Jesus’ feet is enough, like Martha, they are desperately working to gain the favour and recognition of others and even of God, something they already have.